The Totally Extraordinary Newsletter from Marvelous George Rucker for August 29, 2017

Well Met this Tuesday,

There is a correction I must make to my last two letters as they both have the same error.  With the use of Tequila the breakfast or lunch drink becomes a “Bloody Maria” and with vodka the drink is now a “Bloody Mary.”  Since Mezcal is a type of Tequila the recipe from two weeks ago should read Bloody Maria.  If you go on line for either you will find hundreds of recipes for both.  Anyway both of the drinks are good and taste similar except for the one made with Mezcal as it has a smoky taste.

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 ATTENTION:

Please DO NOT – I repeat – DO NOT use the $1 – $2 – $50 or the $100 bills. They have pictures of former slave owners on them! Send them all to me and  I will dispose of them properly! DO NOT just throw them away. They need to be disposed of properly and I am certified to do so. We must get these out of circulation immediately. Thank you for your cooperation.

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Lotta truth in this one.  How, pray tell, did we ever survive?

EATING IN THE FORTIES AND FIFTIES

Pasta had not been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti.

Curry was a surname.

Taco? Never saw one till I was 25.

Pizza? Sounds like a leaning tower somewhere.

Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.

All chips were plain.

Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking.

Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.

Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.

Chickens didn't have fingers in those days.

None of us had ever heard of yogurt.

Healthy food consisted of anything edible!

Cooking outside was called camping.

Seaweed was not a recognized food.

'Kebab' was not even a word, never mind a food.

Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold.

Prunes were medicinal and stewed.

Surprisingly Muesli was readily available. It was called cattle feed.

Pineapples came in chunks or were round with a hole in the middle, in a tin; we had only seen a picture of a real one.

Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than gasoline for it, they would have become a laughing stock.

There were three things that we never ever had on/at our table in the fifties ... elbows, hats and cell phones!

  .........and there was always two choices for each meal...

     "Take it" or "Leave it"

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retirees answers if interested

Question: How many days in a week?
 Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
 Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
 Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
 Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
 Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
 Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
 Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
 Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
 Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
 Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
 Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
 Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
 Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite....

QUESTION: What do you do all week?
 Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,  'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
 'Two years older than me'
 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
 She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:   'And what do you think is the best thing
 about being 104?' the reporter asked...
 She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is  you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.

I've sure gotten old!
 I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate
 cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind,  can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
 take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
 Have bouts with dementia.  Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
 But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to
 join a fitness club and start exercising.   I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
 I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and  down, and perspired for an hour. But,  by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.  Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?  Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'

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