retirees answers if interested
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, my very favorite....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied....
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked...
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate
cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'
Here we go again,
I am over my last week’s issue about food, jokes and all. But now I have something to think about, while waiting for a Doctor appointment and reading an article in WebMD, we might have stumbled upon an anti aging pill. How about a medication that seems to work better than it should, as people with type 2 diabetes, a problem controlled by the medicine “Metformin,” probably the most common drug used to treat the disease for the past 60 years is starting to receive new attention. Researchers in Britain found that people with diabetes who took it outlived some of their peers who did not have the disease by 15%.
“They compared them to a whole bunch of people who were matched for weight and smoking and [other factors] but who didn’t have diabetes,” says Steven Austad, PhD, chairman of the biology department at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. “It turned out the diabetics on metformin were living longer than the non-diabetics who were not on metformin. ... It was very, very intriguing.”
Austad is a bio-gerontologist and scientific director of the American Federation for Aging Research. The organization is trying to raise about $65 million in federal and private funding for what Austad says would be the first human trial of an anti-aging drug. Researchers would give the drug to people ages 65 to 80 with no chronic conditions, then wait to see how long it takes until their next major health problem shows up, Austad says.
Scientists believe the drug works in the mitochondria, the powerhouses in the body’s cells that convert sugars like glucose into energy. Austad says metformin makes those powerhouses run more efficiently, reducing the release of substances known as free radicals. Free radicals can damage cells, hurting their ability to reproduce and causing defects.
Biologist Ross is one of several scientists who have looked into the potential life-extending effects of rapamycin. This potent drug, also known as sirolimus and the brand name Rapamune, is most often used in chemotherapy and to keep the bodies of transplant patients from rejecting a new organ. Studies show that the drug can extend life span in mice, roundworms, and monkeys known as marmosets.
Like metformin, rapamycin works on a cell’s mitochondria, where it may change how cells burn glucose, Ross says. Researchers suspect rapamycin can keep the mitochondria running smoothly longer.
For example, the drug has extended life span in mice by 30% to 50%, Austad says. And multiple animal studies show its promise for protecting against cancer and heart disease, as well as degenerative brain disorders like Alzheimer’s.
For more on this topic visit http://www.webmd.com/special-reports/anti-aging-science/20170329/anti-aging-pill
One day an 80 year old man went to the drug store and asked for some Viagra. "No problem," said the pharmacist, "how many do you want?
"Just a few," replied the man, "but could you cut each one into four pieces?"
"That won't do you much good," said the pharmacist.
The old man looked at him sadly and said, "I am 80 years old, I am not interested in sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my feet!"
This was received this week but I think I have seen something about this topic before.
Too funny not to share! Sometimes it does take a rocket scientist!
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.
WHEN THE GUN WAS FIRED, THE ENGINEERS STOOD SHOCKED AS THE CHICKEN HURLED OUT OF THE BARREL, CRASHED INTO THE SHATTERPROOF SHIELD, SMASHED IT TO SMITHEREENS, BLASTED THROUGH THE CONTROL CONSOLE, SNAPPED THE ENGINEER'S BACK-REST IN TWO, AND EMBEDDED ITSELF IN THE BACK WALL OF THE CABIN, LIKE AN ARROW SHOT FROM A BOW. THE HORRIFIED BRITS SENT NASA THE DISASTROUS RESULTS OF THE EXPERIMENT, ALONG WITH THE DESIGNS OF THE WINDSHIELD AND BEGGED THE U’S SCIENTISTS FOR SUGGESTIONS.
NASA RESPONDED WITH A ONE-LINE MEMO:
"DEFROST THE CHICKEN."
Is this true or false as I needed to check. Snopes is probably the number one fact checker on the net, so I will start there.
This story seems to be true but happened last century. The variations to the story are also just a funny.
Depending upon whom you hear the story from, the FAA, NASA, the Air Force, or “an American aircraft company” lends its chicken gun to engineers in another country.
The most common telling says those engineers were British, but other versions of the story say they were French or American. Likewise, what’s being tested varies, with train windows, jet engines, and cockpit canopies mentioned.
In my favorite version, a cat sneaks into the barrel of the gun and is helping itself to a cold chicken dinner when the contraption is fired. (Then again, I just like saying “catapoultry.”)
Origins: There is at least one shred of truth in this tale — the story did run in the November 1995 issue of Feathers, the California Poultry Industry Federation’s newsletter.
Some engineers prefer to go for realism in these tests and thus buy still-feathered firing fowl from game farms. (Er, at this point I should mention the birds are dead when canonized.) Others, however, buy their catapulting poultry at the supermarket. Those who favor using thawed birds keep the carcasses frozen until just before test time, when a session in the microwave restores the avian missiles to a more natural condition. Not everyone fires thawed birds: before switching to fake birds, the U.S. Air Force traditionally launched frozen ones. (Sensitive to the concerns of animal-rights activists, they now fling birds made of clay and plastic at canopies and engines.) The way the Air Force had it figured, if a canopy could survive an impact with a frozen bird, it would certainly live through a chance introduction to one that could still fly under its own power. They further believed cold chickens provided a better simulation of a bird that had tensed to prepare for the impact.
Bird strikes can cause extensive damage to aircraft and serious injuries to their crews. At worst, they can be deadly confrontations. The Air Force estimates that planes hit about 3,000 birds every year, causing damages of $50 million and sometimes loss of human life. In a bird-strike accident in September 1995, 24 AWACS crew members were killed after takeoff from Elmendorf Air Force Base, Alaska.
I attended a wedding the other day with my granddaughter and as we were following the crowd in for the reception, my granddaughter observed that my slip was showing. She quietly whispered "Grandma it's snowing down south!!!"
I whispered back "Darling, Grandma is just grateful that it's not raining!!!"
This week’s invention will be the Saturn V rocket. When the jazz song “Fly Me to the Moon” was written in 1954, it described an impossible journey. By the time Frank Sinatra recorded it in 1964, it had become the informal theme song of the U.S. Apollo space program, designed to land a man on the moon. As most people know the historic landing took place on July 20, 1969, when astronaut Neil Armstrong stepped onto lunar soil – the first human to walk on the moon.
The craft that Armstrong stepped out of was part of Saturn V, a remarkable rocket that made the moon voyage possible. Saturn V was a three stage liquid-fueled launch vehicle, the largest ever built. It was the result of years of planning and engineering headed by NASA rocket scientists Werner von Braun and Arthur Rudolph at the Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, Alabama.
Saturn V, a “heavy lift vehicle” designed to carry astronauts to the moon and back, functioned in three stages. The first stage was powered by five massive liquid-propellant rocket engines. The engines used a kerosene-based RP (rocket propellant) fuel injected with liquid oxygen in the thrust chamber to produce a powerful controlled explosion. Saturn V’s first stage-engines were the most powerful liquid-propellant engines ever built.
When the first stage burned away, the second stage took over, also powered by five liquid-propellant engines that used liquid oxygen as an oxidizer, with liquid hydrogen this time as the fuel. Stage two put Saturn V into orbit around Earth. From there, Saturn V’s stage three, also powered by liquid hydrogen and liquid oxygen, took the astronauts to the moon. Once shut down, the third stage was designed to be restarted for the trip back to earth.
Saturn V was launched 13 times from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida with no loss of crew or payload. It still holds the record for the heaviest payload ever launched into low Earth orbit: 260,000 pounds. It propelled a total of 24 astronauts to the moon, three of them twice in the four years spanning December 1968 through December 1972.
At my age rolling out of bed in the morning is easy...getting up off the floor is another story.
There are 3 Ages of Man: youth, middle age, and you look good!
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3-inch floppy . . . You just hoped nobody ever found out!
The current crop of tomatoes is in and you can make your own salsa with this recipe. It gets 4.5 stars with 211 reviews. It is from www.allrecipes.com
"This is a very good salsa recipe. Simple ingredients are boiled and blended to created a flavorful, spicy mixture that's great with tortilla chips and on Mexican-style foods. The amounts of onions and jalapenos may be varied; canned crushed tomatoes may be substituted for fresh." (Myself I would use the best tomatoes I can find.)
6 pounds roma (plum) tomatoes
1/4 pound roma (plum) tomatoes, chopped
2 tablespoons garlic powder
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 ½ tablespoons salt
1 tablespoon ground cayenne pepper
1 ½ teaspoons ground cumin
1 red onion, chopped
1 white onion, chopped
1 yellow onion, chopped
1 pound jalapeno peppers, chopped
1/3 bunch fresh cilantro, chopped
Bring a large saucepan of water to boil. Briefly place 6 pounds tomatoes into water to loosen skins and set color. Drain, peel and crush.
Mix chopped tomatoes, garlic powder, lemon juice, salt, cayenne pepper and cumin into the saucepan with crushed tomatoes. Whip to desired thickness. Bring to a boil. Mix in red onion, white onion, yellow onion, jalapeno peppers and cilantro. Continue boiling until vegetables are soft and mixture has reached desired consistency. Remove from heat. Refrigerate until serving.
There are 3 things that indicate you are getting older, first there is loss of memory....... ......
The worse thing about growing old is having to listen to the advise of one's children
I happen to like “Bloody Marys,” and I like them heavy on the veggies. Lately you can get them made with a bacon slice or a shrimp I have always had them made with vodka but here is a recipe using mezcal. I like them on the spicy side but believe that I have never tried mezcal. I always thought it was a type of tequila and I have had tequila on numerous occasions. Having the recipe and finding mezcal is a different story. In Falmouth they have a large package store “Kappy’s” and they have two or three brands of the stuff and they are at the end of the huge tequila section. This store was my third try as the other stores did not have any mezcal. It is a little on the expensive side so I decided to see if I could find any history on this alcohol.
Someone with the handle of SThitch wrote in Feb of 2004, All tequilas are mezcal. Tequila is traditionally from the town of Tequila and is made with 100% blue agave. There are now five Mexican states where Tequila can be produced, I am sure this really fills the people of Tequila with all kinds of joy that so many other people are benefitting from their ancestors hard work. But I digress, the agave used in Tequila is always steamed, the best producers of mezcal roast the agave. This gives it a much different flavor than the steamed Agave in Tequila. Not everyone likes the roasted flavor, personally I do, and favor a nice mezcal over tequila. Please beware that mezcal is a catch-all word for any liquor made from the agave, and can be quite ghastly (it is cheap mezcal that has the worm in the bottle).
Four months later someone using the name Cristina posted SThitch is correct; all tequila is mezcal--but not all mezcal is tequila. As SThitch said, tequila is made from the blue agave cactus--the blue Weber agave, to be exact. Mezcal, on the other hand, can be made from several (seven or eight, if I recall correctly) different types of maguey/agave cacti, including, most commonly, the Espadín variety. Mezcal is primarily produced in Oaxaca. Tequila is primarily produced in the state of Jalisco, where the town of Tequila is located, although it may be produced in several other states.
Another post on this subject by NewYorkKid87 in 2013 has a rather clear statement.
Mezcal is a term meaning over cooked agave, which create a smoky flavor, when people asked me what is mezcal, I described it as smoky tequila. simple done, tequila also made from agave but not over heated, yes 4 type of tequila, blanco, reposado, anejo, but all 3 does not has the smokiness of mezcal cause they don’t over heat the agave, NOW, it doesn’t matter how they make it is the different, it is how they tasted, tequila, the more they aged the more it tend to get sweet, blanco (6 months to 1 year) reposado (1 year to 3 years of aged) anejo (3 years up) and there is extra anejo (6 years up), it is like saying about whiskey, rye, bourbon and yes, scotch, smokey of all whiskey while rye and bourbon tend to be more spicy, but there is more to it when you taste the different whiskeys, trace and Elmer T Lee, both bourbon, trace tend to be more smooth and light peppery while Elmer T Lee tend to be a little bit more sweet, but to the naked taste of non drinker, they all taste spicy and the same.
MEZCAL, smokey tequila, best way to be described
Now for the recipe. . . a smoky, spicy take on a Blood Mary. (Serves 6 to 8)
Ingredients - stir together in a pitcher
5 ½ cups Clamato Juice
1/4 cup fresh lemon Juice
1 cup mezcal
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
2 tablespoons horseradish
1 teaspoon fresh ginger
1 teaspoon kosher salt
Refrigerate at least 30 minutes and up to 1 day. Coat damp glass rim with celery salt; fill each with ice. Pour drink of ice and serve with a celery rib, a lemon wedge, and fresh cilantro sprigs.
George Burns once said, "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself."
Paris (AFP) - An asteroid the size of a house will shave past Earth at a distance of some 44,000 kilometers (27,300 miles) in October, inside the Moon's orbit, astronomers said Thursday.
The space rock will zoom by at an eighth of the distance from the Earth to the Moon -- far enough to just miss our geostationary satellites orbiting at about 36,000 kilometers, according to the European Space Agency (ESA).
"It will not hit the Earth," said Detlef Koschny of ESA's "Near Earth Objects" research team. "That's the most important thing to say."
The asteroid, dubbed TC4, first flitted past our planet in October 2012 -- then at about double the distance before disappearing. It is about 15-30 meters (49-98 feet) long.
Scientists expected the asteroid to return for a near-Earth rendezvous this year, but did not know how far.
Now, the European Southern Observatory's Very Large Telescope in Chile has managed to track down the rock and determine its distance.
"It's damn close," said Rolf Densing, who heads the European Space Operations Center in Darmstadt, Germany.
"The farthest satellites are
36,000 kilometers out, so this is indeed a close miss," he told AFP, adding it was nothing to lose sleep over.
"As close as it is right now, I think this prediction is pretty safe... meaning that it will miss."
From Google August 7, 2017
Malicious Chrome Extension Impacts Over 1M Users
Over 1M users download malicious Chrome extension
Chris Pederick, the creator of the Chrome extension Web Developer, was recently phished. The cyber criminals effectively breached Pederick’s Google account, which was tied to the app. Therefore, the cyber criminals were able to access the app and make any changes they wanted. After doing just that, the hackers pushed out a new “updated version” of Web Developer. It is believed, most of the changes included the ability to distribute spam ads to different webpages users visit. Beyond spamming users, additional concerns have been raised as well. Express reported,
“…the Chrome plugin has access to almost everything that takes place within users’ web browser – enabling the malware-ridden software to read website content, intercept traffic, record keystrokes, and more.”
The malicious update was available for six hours before it was pulled from the Chrome Web Store. Since, Pederick has fixed the issue, and has released an updated version of the app. Therefore, all users of Web Developer are advised to update to the 0.5 version immediately.
This is from Iceland, posted on 28 July 2017.
Iceland’s iconic hot dog stand is forced to move, the Baejerins Beztu hot dog stand has tood on the same spot since 1937
One of Iceland's most famous tourist spots is being forced to move from where it has traded for the first time in 80 years as Reykjavik succumbs to modern development.
While visitors come to the country for its spectacular waterfalls and primeval landscape, the first place that they often flock to is the Baejerins Beztu hot dog stand in the downtown harbour area of the capital city.
There are often long queues for the family-owned stand, which claims to be the best in the world, and counts former US President Bill Clinton and Kim Kardashian among its famous customers.
But now tourists will have to look elsewhere. As Iceland Monitor reports, it's been lifted from the spot where it has stood since 1937 to make way for the construction of a shopping center
That is it for this week.
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