Another Tuesday and Summer is almost over,
I have another problem, I do not have any duck or chicken jokes. My friend Walter, who owns the web site www.capecod-beaches.com just got out of the hospital. Good Lord my life is going downhill.
Remember how I had nine squirrels in my yard munching on sun flower seeds, ever since I changed the type of seed I now have about 10,000 birds. They can eat about 20 pounds of seed a week. I am not sure what is worse. I still have the chipmunks as they do not seem to care, I guess to them food is just food. I still have two squirrels as there are a few sun flower seeds mixed in with the new bird seed.
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it.. Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: I s chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very li title red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
I had a problem posting some of the e-mails I get as the information was not correct or changed to present a different point of view. However the next one is true according to Snopes.com.
An even funnier thing is this letter to his readers was written in 1995
Charley Reese's final column for the Orlando Sentinel. He has been a journalist for 49 years. He is retiring and this is HIS LAST COLUMN.
This is about as clear and easy to understand as it can be. The article below is completely neutral, neither anti-Republican or Democrat. Charlie Reese, a retired reporter for the Orlando Sentinel, has hit the nail directly on the head, defining clearly who it is that in the final analysis must assume responsibility for the judgments made that impact each one of us every day. It's a short but good read. Worth the time/worth remembering!
Charley Reese's Final Column
545 vs. 300,000,000 People
- By Charlie Reese
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?
Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The President does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one President, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.
I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a President to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The President can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Paul Ryan. He is the leader of the majority party. He and fellow House members, not the President, can approve any budget they want. If the President vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility.. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Army & Marines are in Iraq and Afghanistan it's because they want them in Iraq and Afghanistan .
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy”, “inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.
Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.
We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess.
Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.
What you do with this article now that you have read it is up to you. This might be funny if it weren't so true. Be sure to read all the way to the end:
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table,
At which he's fed.
Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.
Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for
Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.
Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.
Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.
Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears.
Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
Taxes to pass
Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.
When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.
Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid...
Put these words
Upon his tomb,
Taxes drove me
to my doom...'
When he's gone,
Do not relax,
It’s time to apply
The inheritance tax.
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Marriage License Tax
Personal Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Tax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt & had the largest middle class in the world.
What in the heck happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'
I hope this goes around THE USA at least 545 times! YOU can help it get there!!!
GO AHEAD. . . BE AN AMERICAN."
"In *God* We Trust"
Want to check the information . . . http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/reese.asp
Do you like roasted red peppers in a sandwich, but hate the five dollar a jar price? Here is an easy way to make your own.
"This is a really basic way to roast peppers for use in any recipe. Choose any color peppers you like, or use a variety of colors for a beautiful presentation. After they are roasted you can add an oil and balsamic dressing, or fry in olive oil and garlic to serve with crusty bread."
Preheat the oven to 500 degrees F (260 degrees C).
Cut the peppers into quarters. Remove the seeds and the membranes. Roast the peppers until the skin blisters and turns black. Remove from oven and cover with plastic, or a tea towel, or place in a paper bag until cool. The skins should peel away off of the peppers easily when cooled.
Aluminum foil can be used to keep food moist, cook it evenly, and make clean-up easier.
This was posted on August 28th of this year from Creme de la Crumb and is truly excellent.
Honey Mustard Chicken Cobb Salad
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
8 cups chopped romaine lettuce
½ cup cherry tomatoes, halved
½ red onion, thinly sliced
1 avocado, thinly sliced
4 slices bacon, cooked til crispy and chopped
4 hard boiled eggs, thinly sliced
? cup crumbled feta cheese
½ cup plus 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
½ cup honey
½ cup cider vinegar
2 teaspoons salt
½ cup plus 4 tablespoons vegetable oil
Whisk together all dressing ingredients. Divide dressing in half. Cover and chill half of the dressing, transfer remaining half of dressing to a large resealable bag. Add chicken to bag and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Cook chicken on the stove over medium heat or on the grill 5-8 minutes on each side until cooked through. Slice chicken into strips.
Assemble salads with lettuce on the bottom, topped with chicken, bacon, onions, eggs, and tomatoes. Use reserved dressing to drizzle over salad and top with freshly cracked black pepper if desired.
Note: I cooked the chicken on my gas grill. The temperature gauge read 325 F. 15 minutes to a side. I like the look of grill marks and the taste of a little char.
Q: What vegetable eliminates the need to brush your teeth?
A: Bristle sprouts!
I call my brussels sprouts.....cabbage patch kids.
Q: What do you call kids who eat their vegetables?
A: Brussels sellouts.
Q: What is green and goes to a summer camp?
A: A Brussels' scout!
Q: What is the worlds worst selling beer?
A: Brussels stout.
Q: What do you get when you cross brussels sprouts with a popular snack?
A: Pretzel Sprouts.
Q: What do you call the screams of little kids when you tell them to eat their veggies? A: Brussels shouts.
Have a great day. See some of you at exercise. I had no duck jokes but you can see a duck walk at . . .
Doc Wareham is now 101 years old